10 Strategies for Building Relationships with Students

Have you ever seen a teacher that is effortlessly building relationships with students while other teachers are always frustrated and fussing at their students?  Want to know a secret? It is not EFFORTLESS!

The teachers that put forth effort into intentionally building relationships with students will achieve the best results.  Here are ten strategies for building relationships with students that you can start this week.

Building Relationships with Students

1. Greet each student in the morning. 

Pro Tip-bonus points for calling them by name!  Dale Carnegie once said, “A person’s name to him or her is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” 

It is so tempting to spend those first few minutes of the day checking email, talking to other teachers in the hall or prepping materials.  Save those tasks for before the bell or after everyone has arrived. I promise that making that extra effort to start your students’ day off right will benefit everyone. 

2. Use student names in other ways too! 

When I create worksheets for my class or write word problems, I love to put their names in.  It is so sweet to see the little thrill that they get when you mention them. 

 Pro Tip-There may be a few introverted students that do not enjoy the spotlight.  Be sure to be aware of this and do not use their name if it makes them uncomfortable.

Get Personal

3. Tell your students all about your personal life. 

Okayyyy, definitely not ALL about it. But you get the idea!  Students are fascinated by the fact that you have a life outside the four walls of your classroom, and this is a key opportunity to build relationships.  

One way that I like to do this is by telling details about myself during a spelling test.  For example, if the word is fell I might say, “One time in high school, I tripped over my friend’s dog and fell flat on the floor!”  This definitely makes taking our weekly tests more entertaining!  

Pro Tip-This could be distracting, so don’t do it if your students get too silly or want to talk about every sentence with you.  You do not want to impede their performance on the test. If this happens, I would try doing it with only the last sentence on the test.

4. Sing and dance with your students. 

Oh, I can already hear you…no way! Not going to happen!  Trust me, the kids do. not. care. if you are terrible at singing and dancing.  In fact, they may love it even more if you are just awful!  

When you get up to do a brain break with them, you are engaging at their level.  They will love you for it. Who knows…maybe you will find a new passion for learning to yodel!  Check it out here.

It is All About Them

5.  Peek at their library books. 

On the way back from the library, I like to check out what my students are reading.  You might learn what sport your student plays, that they have a pug at home or even that they went and checked out another book by an author that you introduced them to. (insert heart eyes!)

Having conversations about their reading choices tells students that you value their interests. 

Another way to find out their interests is to ask them! This “Digital Get to Know You Activity” is my top selling for a reason! Great teachers recognize the value of getting to know their students.

6.  Eat with them. 

In my elementary classroom, each student had a white index card with their name on it.  Next, when you were caught being good, the teacher would add those shiny foil star stickers to your card.  Then, you could save up your stars and cash them in for different rewards. I worked hard to save for the best and most expensive reward…lunch with the teacher.

I used to be really good at eating with my students when I first started teaching.  Every week, I would have students with the best behavior come back to the classroom to eat with me.  This practice changed for me over the years. I got married and had three children. Now my lunchtime is otherwise known as quiet time.  My only real time to myself!

Have you heard about self-care? Well, one of the ways I take care of myself is by eating lunch without children. I used to feel bad about not doing lunch bunch anymore, but now I realize that it is important to make time for me.  I only eat with my kids on field trip days and have a picnic with them in the spring. 

If you love eating lunch with your students, I truly believe this is a great way to build relationships with them. However, if you are doing it out of a sense of obligation or because the teacher next door does it, you just go ahead and take it off your plate.  I have still been able to be very connected with my students, even if I only eat with them a few times a year.

7.  Be their cheerleader!  Sometimes you are the only one giving your students positive feedback during the day.  Last summer I learned a ton about the power of positive affirmations and mindset from my business coach, Kayse Morris.

I wanted to be very intentional this school year about continuously building relationships with students and recognizing their efforts.  To support my efforts, I created a shout-outs bulletin board in my classroom. Anytime I catch a student doing something great (behaviorally or academically) I post a shout-out to our wall.  You can find these slips in my blog shop or in my TpT store.

Pro-tip-Have parents write a shout-out to their child at conferences!

Next, I modeled that for a while and then eventually allowed the students to start giving each other shout-outs.  We read them out loud, applauded that student and posted them. Seeing this board of affirmations grow lets me know that I am focusing on the positive and creating a culture of kindness in my room!  

Hint: Kindness may just be the most important thing you teach your kids all year.

8.  Seek their input! 

Margaret J. Wheatley, author, and teacher said, “There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.”  If you are trying to connect with your students, allow them to tell you what they care about.  

In preparation for parent-teacher conferences, I gave my students a chance to rate how they felt about third grade including all the major subjects, lunch, recess, etc.  I was very surprised to see that many students marked writing with the lowest rating. I didn’t really understand this as most students seem to look forward to getting out their writing folders.  

At the start of writing time the next day, I sat on one of the tables in the room and told the students that we needed to talk.  I did not understand why they gave writing such a terrible ranking when externally they seemed to get excited about writing time.  Most students gave an answer that I did not expect…hand cramps. That’s it? Hand cramps??? I can totally fix that!

Now, we are taking a break during our sessions because that is what they needed.  It was such a simple change to implement, but I could tell that day how impactful it was that I just sat and listened to their problem. 

Another time, I had students respond to a few quick reflective questions on the back of their spelling tests.  Since then, one of my students wrote me another note on his spelling test about needing help in math. I wrote a response back and made time to meet with him individually.  So, I may never have known that he was so worried about math if I hadn’t implemented a way for us to “pass notes.” Taking the time to connect one-on-one strengthened our relationship.

Show them some love

9.  Give them gifts. 

Really? Don’t we already spend too much money on school as it is?  If you are anything like me, ABSOLUTELY! These are just suggestions about how to build relationships.  You are under no obligation to use this tip.  

People show and receive love in different ways or “languages.”  If you are interested in learning more about love languages, check out the work by Dr. Gary Chapman.  For example, one of my favorite ways to show love is by sharing words of affirmation. I also love to give gifts!

My most favorite gift to give is of course…books!  In fact, Scholastic has lots of books from $1-$2 right now that you could give for the upcoming holidays. 

One reason I like to give books is that sadly many children do not have a personal library.  That breaks my heart, so I always try to gift my students with several books a year. Plus, it is the number one teacher gift that my own children have held on to over the years.  Cheap plastic toys get lost or tossed but books are a gift that can last a lifetime.

Are you ready for the secret sauce?  Jump to tip number ten!

10.  Tell your students you love them every day.  (and mean it!)

Lastly, please remember the most unlovable child in your room needs to hear it the most.  The best thing about it? If you keep saying it every day, eventually they will believe you.  And that my friends is the importance of building relationships with students. Above all, they need to feel safe and loved in order to do their best possible work and achieve their greatest potential.  

To recap, here are ten strategies for building relationships with students!

1. Greet them by name
2. Use their name in other ways
3. Tell them about yourself
4. Sing and dance with them
5. Peek at their library books
6. Eat with them (at least sometimes)
7. Give them a shout-out
8. Seek their input
9. Give them a gift
10. Tell them that you love them

I hope you implement some of these strategies in your classroom.

As a thank you for checking out this post, I’d love to send you my totally FREE guide to preparing for your teaching observation. It includes a checklist for you to use when you are preparing. Click here!

P.S. If you want more great posts on this topic, check these out:

More on building relationships

The Better Teacher Project

Building Classroom Culture

Being a happy teacher

Check out The Transformed Teacher and Tails of Teaching!